What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 00:02
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why does NASA's Perseverance rover keep taking pictures of this maze on Mars? - Space
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why is digital marketing important?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
This is soul school!.
Why do I get stressed when I go to bed?
I have no regrets .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What happens when you need emergency surgery in countries with universal healthcare vs the US?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When does a man tell a woman he has feelings for her?
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Analyst Suggests Apple Might be Considering Buying Unity After Legal Defeat to Epic Games - 80 Level
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ive learnt so much.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Weber, Morgan health officials warn residents after bat tests positive for rabies - KSL.com
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Tesla's Imminent Valuation Crash? (NASDAQ:TSLA) - Seeking Alpha
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was very sick at this time too.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
What drivers said at Michigan after Cup race won by Denny Hamlin - NBC Sports
So, i spoilt her more .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What did i know ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This Device Pulls Clean Drinking Water Out of the Air - VICE
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One cannot live in the past .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Comes on , in middle age.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
When she asked me how she looked .
She found it foreign!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I will be 64.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We were not on the streets..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I write beautiful poetry .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So whats the point in blame.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was scared of men, in general
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I don,t even have a pension.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And i lived it daily.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
It was going to be , some day.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She wouldn,t have been !
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I said to her
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
All the time i was locked up.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Would this be the day?
Was to survive, this bastard.
But it wasn’t much.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She loved him until the end.
We all went to grammer schools
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She married twice! .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Put me off passion for life!!
She was in good health!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But, we were locked up after school.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was seconnd youngest,
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was 9 years of age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Who then, do I blame.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I waited trembling.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He knew the spot.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I think the readers, may guess!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My life is so biszare .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.